He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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