Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
