I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
