So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
