Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
