here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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