Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
