It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
