her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
