we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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