Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
