you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
