May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
