Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
