kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
