Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My bed smells like the plague
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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