and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
