am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
