I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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