I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
