I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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