also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
