bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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