tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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