i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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