24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize