She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
