I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
