You're my little dorito
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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