Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
True but thats because hes a fetus.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
