please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
