Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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