I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
