she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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