In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
