Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She made me pour olive oil on her.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
