I'm drive I can fine osifer
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
