My first STD was from a foam party
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
