thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
