I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
