FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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