The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
