About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
