porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
did i just pee glitter
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize