I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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