Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
