ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
