found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
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