drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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