I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
