Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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