mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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