I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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