She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
