dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
