Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
