It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
