Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
