So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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