I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
