Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
