U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
