You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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