She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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