Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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