dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
