she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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