My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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