so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
