Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
